Trying to stay positive

I know I said my next post would be some pictures of my crochet projects, but I feel like I need to add an update on my health.  I got the copy of the CT scan report and it really hit home what I quite possibly am dealing with.  Nothing like seeing it in black and white to make it more real.  Haven't heard from the specialist yet so phoned the Dr. office to ask.  I was told that it can take quite a while to get an appointment.  The report said 'urgent consultation' but I guess they must have a different definition of urgent than I do.
I'm trying not to let myself get too worried but I don't seem to be able to stop myself.  At this rate, I'm going to have an ulcer before I even get an appointment date, let alone actually seeing the specialist.  I really don't want to worry anyone else - after all, it could be something less serious, right?  But today I realize that I don't have to bear the burden alone - all I have to do is tell someone like my sister.  Am I being cruel to want to share my worries?  I know that there are people out there who love me and will want to help in any way they can but by sharing my worries I am adding a burden on their shoulders.  I just don't know what to do.  I wish Howard was here, he would help guide me.
Anyway, enough about this.  Here are some pictures as promised.
Edited:  I tried to load pics and the computer kept freezing.  Will try again another time - too tired to fight with the computer right now.
New edit: had to use Chrome instead of Explorer to add pictures.  Here are a few of my projects. Some are Christmas presents so keep them between you and me please.

the project that got me hooking again.  For my best friend.

for Margo to keep her warm in the cold Denmark winter

for Margo - hat done without a pattern

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for an awesome 15 yr old girl

for an 11 yr old boy 

my hooks needed a better place to live than an old pencil case.

this went to Denmark for my niece

my attempt at a dog coat.  The coat came out well but Kayla wasn't happy about modelling it.

for an old friend to keep him warm when he falls asleep watching tv

for my nephew - couldn't resist the googly eyes even though I don't expect they will stay on for long.

A New Reason to Blog

I realize no one reads this blog but that is perfectly OK.  Especially today - I don't really want anyone to read it. 
About a year ago, I had a chest x-ray as part of my physical. That x-ray came back suspicious so another one was done about 6 months later.  I hadn't heard anything from the Dr. about it so assumed everything was OK. 
October of this year, I went for another physical and I informed the Dr. that I've had a cough that shows up intermittently but lately has been a nuisance when I go to bed.  This brought up the x-rays that had shown some possible scarring.  The Dr. advised I get a CT scan done. 
Of course I was curious about the CT scan as I've never had one before so googled it.  Then I decided to see what I could find out about CT scans and scarring in the lungs. 
Yesterday I had the scan done and was told the results would be in about a week.
Then yesterday afternoon I get a call from the Dr.'s office that she wants to see me in her office today.  I'm thinking that my physical must have come back with something off.  I've had a questionable pap before that required a repeat smear done.  This ultimately resulted in my getting a cervical biopsy done to remove some pre-cancerous cells.  So, as you can imagine, I was a bit concerned that this may have been the problem again. I had mentally prepared myself for another smear to be taken.   
When I am taken to an examination room the possibility of a pap smear being taken was drastically lessened as the examination table wasn't set up for them.  So then I'm thinking that maybe I just have a yeast or bladder infection.  I haven't been for my blood work yet so I knew it wasn't results from any of that.  As I'd been told the CT results would be a week, they never entered my mind so I was taken by surprise when she started talking about them.
Here is the gist of what the she told me. The results from the CT scan are showing the possibility of pulmonary fibrosis. There are some other possibilities according to the CT reading but this is the most probable one.  Doc was quick to inform me that it isn't cancer but I think I surprised her with my response.  Cancer is treatable - not always successfully treatable, but treatable just the same.  Pulmonary fibrosis is not.  I think I was trying to avoid thinking about the possibility of PF and asked her about treatments for arthritis.  My little finger gets very sore when I crochet for a long period.  This caused her to really look at my fingers and she asked about my curling fingernails.  Then she got me to put my fingers together to see if there is a space between them - there is not.  Apparently, this is called clubbing which is another symptom of PF.  Wish I'd kept my mouth shut! 
I now have to go see a pulmonary specialist as soon as an appointment can be made.  As tomorrow is a holiday, I won't be hearing from the specialist until Thurs at the earliest.
I am a bit scared (ok, more than just a bit).  As I said, I had looked up what the internet had to offer about scarred lungs and found lots of information about Pulmonary Fibrosis.  I really wish I hadn't looked that up.  The information I found states that there is no cure and no treatment other symptomatic.  The prognosis is very poor.  The amount of time from diagnosis to death varies with the type of PF as well as other factors.
I want to call my friends and/or family for comfort but don't want to worry them.  After all, it may turn out to be something that is much less scary.  As a result, I am writing this here.  It is a way to express my feelings - kind of like a diary.
Of course I am hoping with all my heart that it is something minor but if it is PF, I want to be prepared.  I am thinking that I will want to have a wonderful trip someplace exotic with all my closest friends and family members.  So far that list would include between 6 and 9 people.  This is a nice number - enough that those who don't really like each other can have their distance but little enough to share a supper table at the end of the day.  As PF is progressively debilitating, I would want to have this trip early on. Beyond thinking about this trip, I refuse to let my mind wander.  If I do have it, there will be time enough to worry about that then.
To be continued....
On a much lighter topic, on my next page I'll be posting some pictures of projects I've made since recently rediscovering my love of crochet.