I am renaming this month Remember.
It seems I've been doing a lot of reminiscing these past 2 weeks. Some in a melancholy way but mostly in a 'do you remember when _____ did _____?' way. Oh my goodness the fun times had while remembering people, places and events from past lives.
For example, an old friend recently sent me some photos of me and my cronies all dolled up for K-Days (what they used to call the Edmonton Exhibition). I think that was the one and only time I ever dressed up for the occasion. There were 4 of us gals - 2 were dressed as dance hall girls and myself and one other girl were dolled up as if we were fancy ladies. What on earth was I thinking when I got dressed that evening? My outfit was brilliant yellow and white and of course had feathers - I looked like a canary out of one of S. Dali's paintings! Thank heaven I wasn't as fluffy as I am now. We looked like we were having a great time. My memories of the event are fuzzy but I vaguely remember us prancing around and showing off our garters from time to time (I had legs back then) - very unladylike behaviour indeed!.
Another friend and I recently enjoyed a few good laughs as we reminisced about when we worked together many years ago. That was way back in the day when it was actually fun to go to work and it was the norm to spend at least some of the shift laughing until your belly hurt. Oh the stories I could tell about working in that hospital....but that is for another day. Let's just say that patient care was handled differently than it is these days. Just thinking about some of these stories has me chuckling as I type this.
This month has also had some hilarious family remembrances as well as some sad ones, sometimes mixed up together. For example, when friends and family got together to remember Howard there was sadness at his being gone from us but also many fun memories of some of his notorious antics.
Memories should be taken out, dusted off and enjoyed rather than locked away until they are forgotten. Even those memories that aren't so pleasant should get an occasional dusting as they are a part of our history and helped to make us the people we are today (just leave the unpleasant feelings in the box).
This month of Remember, pull out the family album or get together with someone from your past. Have a few laughs, shed a few tears and share some of those old memories. You'll find that the more you share, the more you'll remember.
Thursday, 18 October 2012
Friday, 12 October 2012
Memories of a Friend
It has been 5 years now since my best friend, husband and sometimes adversary was taken from this world.
When Howard died, I was enveloped in a self pitying fog and all I could think of was how much I hurt. I tried to focus on my son's hurt but that was as far out as I could reach. It seemed to take a long time before I could start to acknowledge that other people were hurting just as much. It seems strange to say it but I remember being truly surprised to realize that his brother and his family were also hurting.
I think that day was the turning point for me - when I went from being so wrapped up in my own misery to accepting the fact that he was indeed gone from this life and wasn't coming back no matter how hard I wished. It wasn't really such a great step from this point to deciding that I had to choose between curling up into a ball and letting life pass me by or pulling myself up out of the fog and making a new life for myself. I've seen people who have chosen both paths and absolutely refused to allow myself to wallow in self pity and withdraw from friends and family. I opted to embrace life and honour his memory by moving on. I am eternally grateful to my friends and family who gave me their love and support - I don't know that I could have dispelled the fog without you.
Much has happened since then - I decided to retire from my career of almost 30 years and to move to a new home in a new town. I've had to learn (or in some cases, re-learn) how to do many things, from fixing a toilet to car maintenance. I've continued to travel - something Howard and I had developed a love for.
I've had times when I'm so angry at Howard for 'deserting' me that I would gleefully hit him and times when I had to laugh at some random memory. There are many times when I open my mouth and out pops a Howardism. When I feel like I just can't make it, I can hear him saying 'suck it up, princess' and sometimes when I am feeling low I can almost feel his arms around me lending me his strength.
Being touched by sudden death makes you realize that tomorrow may never come so you need to live every day as if it were your last and every good-bye as if it is the last. I don't want to ever again have to regret words left unsaid or hugs not given.
Howard taught me that life is not to be feared but embraced. If he hadn't convinced me to give love a chance, my life would be missing so much. Yes it hurts that he was taken away but his willingness to share his life was such a wonderful gift. I would rather have the pain of losing him than the emptiness of never having loved him.
Howard never asked for anything in return except perhaps honesty and friendship and gave so much of himself to everyone he knew. He was a friend that you could count on to share your laughs and tears, to give support in times of need, to be a sounding board and often played the devil's advocate. If you told him something in confidence, you knew it would stay that way. He loved to laugh and the sound of his laughter is one of my favorite memories. He loved his son with all of his heart - no father could have been prouder of his son than Howard was. He loved his parents, his brother, neices and nephews as well as a multitude of relatives and friends.
When preparing for his funeral, I grasped onto one saying that I still think describes Howard to a T - He lived, he laughed, he loved. And his love was returned by the bucketful.
Rest in Peace Howard
You will always be remembered
Wednesday, 10 October 2012
A Profound? Insight
I've been doing some thinking about various paths I've travelled in my life. Too many times I've started down a path and suddenly found there was a pile of branches or rocks in the middle of the path. If I could see an easy way around the obstacle, then I would continue on my merry way. I might even continue on my way if the solution was a little more difficult. But if the only way to the other side of the obstacle was to take the chance of getting scratched by the branches or stubbing my toe on the rocks by finding a way through the pile, I will often back away and head off down another path that looks like it might be easier.
There have also been times when I've taken the chance on getting hurt and have been rewarded for my efforts. Every one of these times has been when I have had someone to support me and help me find the way through.
The example that immediately pops into my head was one that changed my life in countless ways - my marriage. Howard was 'just' a friend and co-worker. He was the kind of friend who you could talk to about anything and the co-worker who you knew had your back. However, he had decided that he wanted to be more than just a friend. I really liked him a lot but couldn't see what on earth he saw in me. The more I liked him, the more I pushed him away, afraid of getting hurt when he realized who I really was. For some reason, he refused to let me push him away and accepted me as I was despite myself. Wow! what a wonderful feeling when I realized that he truly did love me, baggage and all!! Because of him, I've been able to look at myself with a different view.
I often look at my life in three phases - before Howard, with Howard, and after Howard. My life before Howard is important in that it includes so many events that helped shape me into the person I would become but is overshadowed by the twenty-three years I shared with my best friend. I honestly think that if Howard hadn't loved me enough not to give up on me, I would have missed out on so much happiness.Those two phases combined to make me the person I am for this present phase of my life. Without that combination I wouldn't have been strong enough to survive the vast emptiness that enveloped me when he died and to carry on forging a new life for myself.
Of course, there have been other times when I pursued my goals and was richly rewarded. My role as a mother (constantly rewarding) and my education are two of the important ones and there are many others of varying importance.
Looking over what I've just written has me thinking why I felt the need to write this. Recently a path I've chosen to travel has become littered with obstacles and I've been thinking of quitting. I've also been thinking of taking on a new project that has many potential problems and have just about given up on it before I even try. I think that by writing this I gave myself a much needed reminder of the great things that can be attained if you don't quit when the going gets tough.
Now after all that profound insight, I need to write about something much lighter. These days that means a note about Majik's latest amusement. She periodically watches me type (probably just watching the letters appear on the screen but I'd like to think she is reading it with approval).
I recently got a delivery of a small item in a much larger box. After I took out the item I left the box and the packing material to be disposed of later. Majik had other plans however. She tipped the box on its side and pulled out the plastic air pockets. As I said, the box was larger than the item so necessitated a long strip of these pockets. She has had a great time pouncing on them, burying her toys under them then hunting for the toys, and attacking them. I'm amazed that they haven't popped on her as she has amazingly dagger-like claws that she feels no need to sheath when on my lap. Could it be that she is sheathing her claws when playing? Perhaps it is a sign of cat love when they use their claws on their slave - if this is the case, then I have proof that she loves me a lot!
Gotta go - I hear my cheesecake calling me.
.....must.....obey.....cheesecake......
There have also been times when I've taken the chance on getting hurt and have been rewarded for my efforts. Every one of these times has been when I have had someone to support me and help me find the way through.
The example that immediately pops into my head was one that changed my life in countless ways - my marriage. Howard was 'just' a friend and co-worker. He was the kind of friend who you could talk to about anything and the co-worker who you knew had your back. However, he had decided that he wanted to be more than just a friend. I really liked him a lot but couldn't see what on earth he saw in me. The more I liked him, the more I pushed him away, afraid of getting hurt when he realized who I really was. For some reason, he refused to let me push him away and accepted me as I was despite myself. Wow! what a wonderful feeling when I realized that he truly did love me, baggage and all!! Because of him, I've been able to look at myself with a different view.
I often look at my life in three phases - before Howard, with Howard, and after Howard. My life before Howard is important in that it includes so many events that helped shape me into the person I would become but is overshadowed by the twenty-three years I shared with my best friend. I honestly think that if Howard hadn't loved me enough not to give up on me, I would have missed out on so much happiness.Those two phases combined to make me the person I am for this present phase of my life. Without that combination I wouldn't have been strong enough to survive the vast emptiness that enveloped me when he died and to carry on forging a new life for myself.
Of course, there have been other times when I pursued my goals and was richly rewarded. My role as a mother (constantly rewarding) and my education are two of the important ones and there are many others of varying importance.
Looking over what I've just written has me thinking why I felt the need to write this. Recently a path I've chosen to travel has become littered with obstacles and I've been thinking of quitting. I've also been thinking of taking on a new project that has many potential problems and have just about given up on it before I even try. I think that by writing this I gave myself a much needed reminder of the great things that can be attained if you don't quit when the going gets tough.
Now after all that profound insight, I need to write about something much lighter. These days that means a note about Majik's latest amusement. She periodically watches me type (probably just watching the letters appear on the screen but I'd like to think she is reading it with approval).
I recently got a delivery of a small item in a much larger box. After I took out the item I left the box and the packing material to be disposed of later. Majik had other plans however. She tipped the box on its side and pulled out the plastic air pockets. As I said, the box was larger than the item so necessitated a long strip of these pockets. She has had a great time pouncing on them, burying her toys under them then hunting for the toys, and attacking them. I'm amazed that they haven't popped on her as she has amazingly dagger-like claws that she feels no need to sheath when on my lap. Could it be that she is sheathing her claws when playing? Perhaps it is a sign of cat love when they use their claws on their slave - if this is the case, then I have proof that she loves me a lot!
Gotta go - I hear my cheesecake calling me.
.....must.....obey.....cheesecake......
Monday, 8 October 2012
Helping the Economy One Shopping Trip at a Time!!
After a trip to a Regina shopping mall, I have determined that malls are great for the economy. I was returning some clothing to a store in the mall when I passed a bedding store and fell in love with some bamboo bedding. This purchase now has me planning to paint my bedroom. If I had gone to a Walmart or some other big box store, I never would have seen the bedding store and made those purchases. This will in turn encourage me to help out some more by making further purchases at the hardware store for paint and maybe even a trip to another store for some decorative items for the room. All because I walked into a shopping mall to return a few items! Down with the big box stores!! Yay for malls!! Maybe the politicians should be made aware of the greatness of the mall. All the while I was busy helping save the economy I was also saving some money for myself - Yay Me!! And before you ask, I did indeed save money - I returned the clothes saving money that way, and all the bedding I bought was on sale, saving me even more money! Now I just need to find a hardware store that has paint, etc on sale to save myself even MORE money!!
Had a nice trip to Moose Jaw to see my sister and her other half. I took Majik with me and introduced her to the horde of dogs. She did the Halloween cat trick and scared off the chihuahuas. The bigger two basically just ignored her for the duration of our visit. The little ones wouldn't even look at her for the most part and if we took the kitten to them, they couldn't get away fast enough! One of them wouldn't even come back into the house after a trip outside until she decided that it was too cold out for her. I think Majik is now big enough to stay home when I go away for a day or two. I know Misty will be pleased for her company and I don't think Majik will miss the car ride. I will miss her singing to me though :D.
Yesterday I decided to tackle refinishing my dining room table. It was a project that has needed to be done for eons now as the finish had gotten tacky. When in the Moose, I finally bought a heat gun (my craft one died when I tried to use it) and a scraper. After scraping and sanding the table top and sides, I realized that I have no idea where I put the stain I'd purchased eons ago. Now I have to wait until I can get somewhere to buy some. (was way too lazy to drive for 1/2 hour to get some today) Maybe tomorrow would be a good day - then I can exchange the printer ink I bought for the right one as well. One more shopping trip....one more economy save!
Today is Thanksgiving so I would be amiss if I didn't say thanks to all my family and friends for their love and support. And of course I must thank my kitties for their companionship and entertaining antics. I definitely won't forget the Higher Power, be it God, Buddha, or Whoever, and be thankful for all that I have and for the world around me.
Until next time - walk with your chin up, but not so far up that you can't see those less fortunate than you.
Had a nice trip to Moose Jaw to see my sister and her other half. I took Majik with me and introduced her to the horde of dogs. She did the Halloween cat trick and scared off the chihuahuas. The bigger two basically just ignored her for the duration of our visit. The little ones wouldn't even look at her for the most part and if we took the kitten to them, they couldn't get away fast enough! One of them wouldn't even come back into the house after a trip outside until she decided that it was too cold out for her. I think Majik is now big enough to stay home when I go away for a day or two. I know Misty will be pleased for her company and I don't think Majik will miss the car ride. I will miss her singing to me though :D.
Yesterday I decided to tackle refinishing my dining room table. It was a project that has needed to be done for eons now as the finish had gotten tacky. When in the Moose, I finally bought a heat gun (my craft one died when I tried to use it) and a scraper. After scraping and sanding the table top and sides, I realized that I have no idea where I put the stain I'd purchased eons ago. Now I have to wait until I can get somewhere to buy some. (was way too lazy to drive for 1/2 hour to get some today) Maybe tomorrow would be a good day - then I can exchange the printer ink I bought for the right one as well. One more shopping trip....one more economy save!
Today is Thanksgiving so I would be amiss if I didn't say thanks to all my family and friends for their love and support. And of course I must thank my kitties for their companionship and entertaining antics. I definitely won't forget the Higher Power, be it God, Buddha, or Whoever, and be thankful for all that I have and for the world around me.
Until next time - walk with your chin up, but not so far up that you can't see those less fortunate than you.
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