I've been doing some thinking about various paths I've travelled in my life. Too many times I've started down a path and suddenly found there was a pile of branches or rocks in the middle of the path. If I could see an easy way around the obstacle, then I would continue on my merry way. I might even continue on my way if the solution was a little more difficult. But if the only way to the other side of the obstacle was to take the chance of getting scratched by the branches or stubbing my toe on the rocks by finding a way through the pile, I will often back away and head off down another path that looks like it might be easier.
There have also been times when I've taken the chance on getting hurt and have been rewarded for my efforts. Every one of these times has been when I have had someone to support me and help me find the way through.
The example that immediately pops into my head was one that changed my life in countless ways - my marriage. Howard was 'just' a friend and co-worker. He was the kind of friend who you could talk to about anything and the co-worker who you knew had your back. However, he had decided that he wanted to be more than just a friend. I really liked him a lot but couldn't see what on earth he saw in me. The more I liked him, the more I pushed him away, afraid of getting hurt when he realized who I really was. For some reason, he refused to let me push him away and accepted me as I was despite myself. Wow! what a wonderful feeling when I realized that he truly did love me, baggage and all!! Because of him, I've been able to look at myself with a different view.
I often look at my life in three phases - before Howard, with Howard, and after Howard. My life before Howard is important in that it includes so many events that helped shape me into the person I would become but is overshadowed by the twenty-three years I shared with my best friend. I honestly think that if Howard hadn't loved me enough not to give up on me, I would have missed out on so much happiness.Those two phases combined to make me the person I am for this present phase of my life. Without that combination I wouldn't have been strong enough to survive the vast emptiness that enveloped me when he died and to carry on forging a new life for myself.
Of course, there have been other times when I pursued my goals and was richly rewarded. My role as a mother (constantly rewarding) and my education are two of the important ones and there are many others of varying importance.
Looking over what I've just written has me thinking why I felt the need to write this. Recently a path I've chosen to travel has become littered with obstacles and I've been thinking of quitting. I've also been thinking of taking on a new project that has many potential problems and have just about given up on it before I even try. I think that by writing this I gave myself a much needed reminder of the great things that can be attained if you don't quit when the going gets tough.
Now after all that profound insight, I need to write about something much lighter. These days that means a note about Majik's latest amusement. She periodically watches me type (probably just watching the letters appear on the screen but I'd like to think she is reading it with approval).
I recently got a delivery of a small item in a much larger box. After I took out the item I left the box and the packing material to be disposed of later. Majik had other plans however. She tipped the box on its side and pulled out the plastic air pockets. As I said, the box was larger than the item so necessitated a long strip of these pockets. She has had a great time pouncing on them, burying her toys under them then hunting for the toys, and attacking them. I'm amazed that they haven't popped on her as she has amazingly dagger-like claws that she feels no need to sheath when on my lap. Could it be that she is sheathing her claws when playing? Perhaps it is a sign of cat love when they use their claws on their slave - if this is the case, then I have proof that she loves me a lot!
Gotta go - I hear my cheesecake calling me.
.....must.....obey.....cheesecake......
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