First the cancer update
I've had my first 6 treatments of radiation and 2 more left next week. I don't remember if I mentioned that the original plan was for 4 treatments but this was changed to 8 at 1/2 of the dose of radiation. This is because my tumour is very close to the major vein and artery to my heart so they don't want to chance damaging them. Good idea, says I - I kinda need those blood vessels!
First treatment was last Friday then 5 treatments this past week. Once a day, every day. The first few treatments hit me really hard - extreme tiredness and after the first 2, extreme cold as well. Thank heavens the cold was only after the first 2 - it was hell! I'm also very grateful that the tiredness let up for the last 2 days. I still get tired after doing almost nothing but at least I'm not falling asleep every other minute. Only 2 more to go then I get to ring the bell.
I drove myself for the first 3 but after getting home on Tues, I knew I couldn't do it again - it was really hard to stay alert for the last part of the drive home. Luckily for me, Branigan wasn't working this week so he was able to take me for the last 3. I'm hoping the weekend off will rest me enough that I'll be able to drive myself next week but as I'm still easily exhausted it's not likely going to happen.
Another wonderful side effect (possibly partially the NSIP acting up) is the cough. Horrid, hacking, exhausting, breath-taking and sometimes gob producing cough. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to puke, sometimes I get a stomach cramp from the strength of the cough and sometimes I get a headache and/or a sore throat.
Poor Kayla just can't understand - she wants to comfort me when I'm hacking up my last breath but I can't abide her near me then.
That some of my friends and family regularly checked on my well-being and were available for me should I really need them really helped and I love them for it. I really need to find some way to show my appreciation.
With all the utter exhaustion and coughing, I've been varying from a little low to majorly low mood-wise.
Pity Party Time
This is where I get to feeling sorry for myself so fee free to skip this part, I really learned who my true friends are. I've only told people that I really thought were good friends and of course some of my family that I have cancer. But there are a some of those 'close' people who haven't contacted me since I told them that I have cancer and this hurts - a lot!
I'm thinking of doing a bit of an experiment after I finish my treatments. I'm thinking of posting a picture of the Bell of Hope and announcing that I rang that bell today (or whenever). I wonder if anyone (other than the few people who I know will) will congratulate me or if that announcement will fall on deaf ears as my little hints (some not so little) that I'm unwell have gone unnoticed.
As if my mood wasn't low enough, I was watching a YouTube video about final send offs and it made me wonder if anyone will remember me when I'm gone. Some of these send offs included hundreds of well wishers and mourners and I wonder if there will be more than a handful of people when they put my ashes in the ground. I really need to stop myself from watching videos like this when I'm already feeling down.
Pity party over - got cheese to go with my whine??
Love this blog - I get to vent my feelings to no one in particular and I always feel so much better afterwards. My mood now is SO much better!!
I believe alien life is quite common in the universe, although intelligent life is less so. Some say it has yet to appear on planet Earth.
Stephen Hawking
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